PATH: BS | Business | Merchandising

Chinese Toys Contain Lead Paint

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More than 1 million of the popular "Thomas & Friends" wooden railway toys made in China are being voluntarily recalled because some may contain lead paint, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission said on Wednesday.

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2008-10-10 12:15:26 | Comment on this Article

Video: Bush's Adoring Fans In Albania Steal His Watch?

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Bush had to travel quite far to find a photo-op of people seemingly pleased to see him. The adoring crowds of one of the remaining allies in his Iraqi invasion in Albania not only wanted to get their hands on him, but also his watch.

Watch on video as the man responsible for the security of our nation can't control the security of his wrists.

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2007-07-06 05:03:31 | Comment on this Article

DuPont's $63 Million Dollar Plane You Bought That Can't Fly

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[Faulty Products]
Congress has spent more than $63 million on an experimental aircraft that has never flown more than a few feet and that the Pentagon has repeatedly rejected.

Designed as a plane that can take off straight up and then fly at 700 miles per hour, the craft has never attained a height of more than a few feet in prototype tests before crashing to the ground.

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It's Like American Idol But With Renal Failure

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[Television]
Being terminally ill is not, I think we can all agree, fun. Being confronted with one's own mortality is pretty much universally loathed, especially in the wasting fashion of most terminal diseases. You know what would make ME feel a whole lot better about the whole process of watching the curtain slowly fall on my own little play? Picking who gets my kidneys when I finally kick the bucket.

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Chocolate Jesus: My Sweet Lord

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The Easter season unveiling of an anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ, dubbed "My Sweet Lord" by its creator, the 485,460-calorie Messiah has infuriated Catholics preparing to observe some of their holiest days of the year.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2009-11-23 04:14:01 | Comment on this Article

Apple's Latest Product

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[Humor]
Steve Jobs has introduced another new product for the Apple line. Check it out.

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Looking To Get In Someone's Pants And Use Your PC?

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[Sex]
Axe, makers of that smelly alcohol-based herbicide made famous by commercials showing men being chased by throngs of women, have finally revealed the nature of their target demographic with this latest product: The upskirt mouse pad...

READ MORE | 4 comments since 2007-07-06 06:05:41 | Comment on this Article

New Mexico Features Talking Urinal Cakes

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Psychology]
New Mexico is hoping to keep drunk drivers off the road by lecturing them at the last place they usually stop before getting behind the wheel: the urinal.

The state recently paid $21 each for about 500 talking urinal-deodorizer cakes and has put them in bathrooms in bars and restaurants across the state.

When a guy steps up, the motion-sensitive plastic device says, in a woman's voice that is flirty, then stern: "Hey, big guy. Having a few drinks? Think you had one too many? Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home."

The recorded message ends: "Remember, your future is in your hand."

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2007-07-08 10:52:54 | Comment on this Article

The Perfect Gift For YOUR Sexual Deviant- Recommended By Judges!

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A New Jersey man (you know this story is going to involve the word "convicted" shortly) stands convicted (there it is) of arranging sexual encounters with two 14-year-olds he came into contact with through MySpace (the Internet-- Because Parents Don't Have Enough Sleepless Nights). He's been sentenced to a couple of years in the can, five years probation, and one of the cruelest punishments meted out by our justice system in recent memory...

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Amazing Diet Pill!! (Settlement Because of False Advertising)

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[Faulty Products]
Marketers of four popular diet pills have agreed to curb their advertising claims and shell out some $25 million to settle allegations by the Federal Trade Commission that they misled consumers with promises of dramatic weight loss.

In some studies, even placebos--fake pills--produced more weight loss than the diet pills themselves. CortiSlim, CortiStress, One-A-Day WeightSmart, TrimSpa, and Xenadrine EFX are accused of BS advertising claims.

In a related story, did you know that signing up as a member of BSAlert has been clinically proven to enhance the quality and longevity of your life! Try it today!

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Using Girly Oils Really Might Turn You Into A Girl!

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[Faulty Products]
Certain oils commonly referred to as "essential oils," specifically lavendar and tea tree oils, can potentially cause enlarged breasts in young boys. The condition, known as gynecomastia to scientists and a screaming nightmare to middle-school boys, occurred in three boys age 4, 7, and 10 who had been using products containing the oils. The oils can mimic the action of the female hormone estrogen, and can also block male hormones that control masculine characteristics and inhibit the growth of breast tissue.

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FINALLY: Beer for Dogs

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[Pets]
[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
You love your dog. You feed him premium dog food. He's got a little sweater for when it's cold, and a little raincoat for when it's raining. He has snow boots, and little sunglasses so he can look cool. His doggy bed contains flea-fighting (and great-smelling!) cedar chips, and it's designed to cushion his arthritic joints. You spend more on shampoo and conditioner for him than you spend on yourself. You buy him doggy cookies for treats; maybe in summer, you buy him some of that delicious doggy ice cream.

But you lead a hollow, empty existence. And so does your dog. Because you can't--sob!--share a nice frosty mug of beer with him. Oh, the humanity!

Until now.

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How Does a Brain Damaged Child Cross The Road? Heeleys!

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
A New Jersey family is suing the maker of those annoying tennis-shoe-hidden-skate shoes after their 10 year old boy crossed the street in them, slipped and was hit by a car and now has brain damage.

No word if the brain damage was caused by the car, or inherited from his parents.

READ MORE | 5 comments since 2009-07-20 21:10:40 | Comment on this Article

What Do You Buy For The Totalitarian Regime That Has Everything?

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Evidently Iran has been getting those e-mails telling you how cheap it is to buy surplus goods from the government and they didn't get caught in their spam filters. Unfortunately the goods it's been buying are jet parts and missile components.

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"Hold Your Wee For A Wii" Kills California Woman

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A woman is now dead after participating in California radio station, KDND-FM's contest, "Hold your wee for a wii". The contestants were challenged to drink as much water as they can without going to the bathroom. A 28-year old contestant ended up dying from acute water intoxication.

READ MORE | 9 comments since 2009-11-23 05:17:45 | Comment on this Article

U.S. Launches Multi-Million Dollar Geosynchronous Paperweight

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[Faulty Products]
[Technology]
U.S. officials are unable to communicate with an expensive experimental U.S. spy satellite launched last year by the U.S. National Reconnaissance Office.

Efforts are continuing to reestablish communication with the classified satellite, which cost hundreds of millions of dollars, but "the prognosis is not great at this point," said the defense official, who asked not to be identified.

Rumor has it this colossal waste of taxpayer money might be the product of Boeing and Lockheed. But remember, if we find out which corporate contractors make crappy products, the terrorists win.

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New Swag - Funny, Political Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

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[BSAlert *exclusive*]
We interrupt this web site to bring you a shameless plug... the BSAlert online store has been updated with a bunch of new, cool bumper stickers and t-shirts... be sure to check 'em out!

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2008-03-07 01:03:13 | Comment on this Article

Maybe Saddam's Noose Should Be On EBay?

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A well-known Kuwaiti businessman is negotiating hard to own the noose which hung ousted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein to death.

Reliable sources say the businessman's representatives have asked the Iraqi Ministry of Interior Affairs to sell the rope to them.

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Let's Go Fly A Kite... OF DEATH

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[Faulty Products]
Officials in Pakistan are lifting a ban on kite flying in preparation for a spring festival that is marked by the flying of colorful kites. The ban was put in place last year not because Pakistani officials hate whimsy, but because of too many kite-related FATALITIES!

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Saddam Hussein: Created Then Destroyed By America

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Hussein's execution will be remembered as a case of America destroying an Arab leader who no longer obeyed his orders from Washington.

Saddam to the gallows. It was an easy equation. Who could be more deserving of that last walk to the scaffold -- that crack of the neck at the end of a rope -- than the Beast of Baghdad, the Hitler of the Tigris, the man who murdered untold hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis while spraying chemical weapons over his enemies? Our masters will tell us in a few hours that it is a "great day" for Iraqis and will hope that the Muslim world will forget that his death sentence was signed -- by the Iraqi "government", but on behalf of the Americans -- on the very eve of the Eid al-Adha, the Feast of the Sacrifice, the moment of greatest forgiveness in the Arab world.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-01-01 20:30:27 | Comment on this Article

Puff Daddy Caught Selling Dog Fur Coats

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[Get-Rich-Quick]
Macy's has pulled from its shelves and its Web site two styles of Sean John hooded jackets, originally advertised as featuring faux fur, after an investigation by the nation's largest animal protection organization concluded that the garments were actually made from a certain species of dog called "raccoon dog."

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-11-28 09:38:26 | Comment on this Article

The Diamond Deception: What DeBeers Doesn't Want You To Know

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?

The diamond invention—the creation of the idea that diamonds are rare and valuable, and are essential signs of esteem—is a relatively recent development in the history of the diamond trade. Read about how an effective ad campaign has made these not-so-valuable items seem more precious than they really are.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2010-07-13 12:17:26 | Comment on this Article

Buy a House, Get a Gun

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A real estate agent in the Houston, Texas area (Texas, how surprising) is offering a new incentive to those who buy a house for over $150,000--a brand-new, shiny Glock handgun to protect it with.*

As if it's not bad enough making arrangements so that the blind can enjoy a little gunplay, now guns make the perfect Lone Star state housewarming gift. Who needs a pie when you've got a gun? You can TAKE any pie you want when you're well-armed.

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Latest E. Coli Outbreak Traced to Green Onions

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[Faulty Products]
California's farming industry is girding for another potential black eye after a second outbreak this year of a potentially deadly E. coli strain linked to its crops.

Green onions served in Taco Bell restaurants are suspected as the source of dozens of illnesses in the Eastern United States and the fast-food chain has called for an industry review of the produce supply chain stretching to California.

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This Hannukah, Piss Off Your Jewish Friends

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Williams-Sonoma, those purveyors of fine food and over-priced garlic presses, have the best way for you to stick it in they eye of your Jewish friends--PORK! But you've gotta hurry--if you want to get your porcine products (proscribed by the Jewish faith) to the sons and daughters of Abraham before Hannukah, then you need to act NOW (keep reading).

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I'm Dreaming of a Porn Christmas

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Florida, the state that should probably just go ahead and drop into the Gulf already, is the site of yet another legal battle--this time over Pornaments, adult-themed Christmas ornaments. Despite having a hilarious name (and causing me to fall all over myself trying to figure out which Christmas carol to use in the title--Oh Come, Oh Come, Emanuel?), there are adults, religious groups, and lawyers (natch) gearing up to protest the allegedly offensive product.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2008-03-07 01:02:33 | Comment on this Article

Nintendo Worried About Uncoordinated Wii Users

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[Faulty Products]
With the Wii console due to be released in Europe tomorrow and already out in other major territories, Nintendo execs have acknowledged media reports of uncoordinated gamers causing damage to televisions, furniture, and even fellow players.

The next-generation, motion-sensitive controller that Nintendo's new videogame uses is apparently causing gaming nerds to flail about in their living rooms, causing damage.

Nintendo's response to the issue? It's telling gamers to "calm down."

Calm down? After you stood in line for several days in the freezing cold to pick up these units, maybe they're just flailing about to bring circulation back to their limbs?

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Calendario Romano - The Perfect Gift For Padre

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So you're a Roman Catholic and you want to give your priest a Christmas gift? Why not give him what he's always wanted: a calendar of hot young boys from the Vatican!

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2006-12-03 11:26:49 | Comment on this Article

Mall Evicts "Offensive" T-Shirt Merchant

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[Activists]
A mall in Logan, Utah gave one of its kiosks the boot Tuesday after several shoppers complained that some of the T-shirts sold there were racially offensive and in violation of the mall's lease agreement.

The mall manager wouldn’t discuss details about the agreement, he said he asked T Shirt Ranch owner Dave Bethers to stop selling shirts brandishing phrases like “Deport Pedro” and “Speak English.”

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-05-24 07:58:01 | Comment on this Article

Smash My Hot New Videogame Console I Spent Days Getting

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[Activists]
We cover this issue every year when thousands of ADHD children and 30-somethings still living with their parents queue up for hours upon end to get the latest video game machine. There's something quite poetic about being one of the first people to purchase the hot new video game everyone wants, and then symbolically destroying it in front of camped out consumers. See the video...

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Child's First Tattoo Machine

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[Vanity]
The mad rush to get your children the crap they've always wanted for Christmas (this week) is on! Start them down the right path with one of these:

Open up your very own pretend play tattoo parlor. This easy-to-use tattoo maker kit includes an electronic tattoo pen and funky stencils. Using soft, safe pulsating action, the tattoo pen creates realistic, washable designs with dramatic effects. AA Batteries, Easy Bake Autoclave, and Fisher Price Gauze not included.

READ MORE | 59 comments since 2015-12-09 18:20:23 | Comment on this Article

Shoes That Grow

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Sports]
The web site says, "Built right into INCHworm shoes is the iFit technology. The iFit technology allows you to GROW the size of the shoe with a simple push of the button."

I bet Bruce Banner would dig a pair of those.

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Want A Safe Car? Buy An Import.

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The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety announces 13 vehicles that earn TOP SAFETY PICK awards for 2007. Winners include 4 cars, 7 SUVs, and 2 minivans. Not a single one of these cars is made by an American company.

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Will It Blend? That Is The Question.

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So what do you do if you make an industrial grade blender and you want to show off what it can do? How about seeing exactly what it can blend? Marbles? A Coke Can? A Rake Handle? An entire McDonald's Meal?

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A Blast of Flavor--The Latest In Ammunition

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Don't you just hate it when this happens?

You go out hunting on a beautiful, crisp fall day. You and your buddies bag a couple of fat ducks, or maybe a wild turkey perfect for Thanksgiving. But when you get home, you have to dig all that nasty buckshot out before you can fire up the grill. And if you miss a piece...ouch! my tooth!

Well, those days are over, friend, now that there's Season Shot...bird shot made from spices.

Yes, Season Shot, the shotgun ammo made from tightly packed seasoning bound by a fully biodegradable food product, is on its way, hunters! It's also environment-friendly; instead of lining the local marshes with thousands of tiny pellets of lead or steel, you'll be seasoning them up for the local wildlife! No longer must waterfowl and deer go without the addition of a little bit of lemon-pepper flavoring to go with that marsh grass.

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2006-11-03 14:23:42 | Comment on this Article

Suspiciou-licious!

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[Humor]
The Suspicious Looking Device, manufactured by Junkfunnel Labs, has one purpose and one purpose only--to look as suspicious as possible.

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Adobe PDF "features" Leave Users Vulnerable

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[Faulty Products]
A British security researcher has figured out a way to manipulate legitimate features in Adobe PDF files to open back doors for computer attacks.

David Kierznowski, a penetration testing expert specializing in Web application testing, has released proof-of-concept code and rigged PDF files to demonstrate how the Adobe Reader program could be used to launch attacks without any user action.

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An Idea That's Long Overdue

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Humor]
The Samuel Baby Toupee Baldness. It's a curse that strikes fear into the hearts of men everywhere, and a few women as well. Fortunately, there are remedies--weaves, hair plugs, toupees, wigs. At least, those are available for most baldness sufferers.

But not all. One group has been woefully neglected. But that ends now that the littlest baldies have a solution.

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Virtual Notches On Your Bed Post

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Liars]
The web site says:

The mission of MyBlackBook is to provide people with a place to store their sexual history, partners, and experiences in a safe, secure and confidential place. To allow them to manage, update and lookup their entries in an easy way - giving them the opportunity and ability to assess their sexual behavior and activity and to make changes in their life.

This idea supposedly was spawned by a computer programmer in 2004 who had a need to create a database of his sex partners.

I'm sure nothing could go wrong with this idea.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-02-05 07:30:20 | Comment on this Article

"Worst Ever" Flaw Found In Diebold Voting Machines

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[Faulty Products]
"This may be the worst security flaw we have seen in touch screen voting machines," says Open Voting Foundation president, Alan Dechert. Upon examining the inner workings of one of the most popular paperless touch screen voting machines used in public elections in the United States, it has been determined that with the flip of a single switch inside, the machine can behave in a completely different manner compared to the tested and certified version.

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Jiffy-Lube, Jiffy-Screwed

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[Faulty Products]
[Liars]
What happens when a news team goes undercover, wires hidden cameras inside and underneath cars and takes them in for repairs? Oh yea, well there's always a chance of some anomaly at a car repair place, but you'll be amazed apparently how rampant getting ripped off is, especially at Jiffy-Lube. Watch the video.

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Once You Go 'Plush' You Never Go Back?

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[Lonely People]
That's what it says on the web site. Wouldn't this be more realistic? "Once you go plush, talk of a social life, you hush." Plus it actually rhymes. Hey! Don't you wish YOUR woman was machine washable?

Teddy Babes™ are stuffed, plush adult toys -- the most sensual, warm, and unique love dolls ever created. Remember when you were a kid and used to cuddle up at night with your favorite teddy bear? Well, now you're all grown up, and a beautiful plush girlfriend is waiting to share your bed!

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2009-09-08 10:35:07 | Comment on this Article

Criticism of Herbal Products Squelched

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[Faulty Products]
One of the marketing success stories in the world of herbal pills is the hype and advertising that has made Tebonin one of the big-time sellers. If you believe the ads, popping a Tebonin pill a day will relieve tinnitus (the ringing sound some people have in their ears), dizziness and even improve mental alertness. The promoters claim the drug, which is based on a patented extract from the ginkgo biloba tree, improves "impaired micro-circulation," reduces "free radicals" and "promotes optimum cell function."

According to the German manufacturer, Dr. Willmar Schwabe GmbH & Co KG, eight million pills are consumed every day. Schwabe, like so many companies in the herbal supplements sector, trades on its feel-good image. "From Nature, For Health," its website claims. That's the story the company wants you to hear. However, when a small group of Australian doctors and pharmacists, AusPharm Consumer Health Watch, drafted a report raising doubts about the benefits of Tebonin, they discovered a company that was not so warm and fuzzy. Soon after sending a copy of their draft report to the company, they were hit with a writ seeking an injunction that may bury their critical assessment forever.

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Hacking Staples' Easy Button

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[Technology]
You've probably seen the commercials for Staples' office products, featuring a goofy "easy button" that their customers push which solves all their problems. Staples sells cute little versions of the button for office sheep to stick in their cubicles and amuse themselves. Some creative hackers figured out a way to repurpose the button for more evil purposes...

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OfficeMax Drops Their Rebate Schemes

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Citing overwhelming customer dissatisfaction with its mail-in rebate system, OfficeMax said it will eliminate the program beginning this weekend.

A small victory in the battle against supremely annoying corporate marketing tactics has been won. We here at BSA have always said, Don't buy products with rebates! It's like a tax on people who are stupid enough to waste their time and compromise their privacy by jumping through a bunch of hoops to purchase a product at an advertised price.

But don't get all teary-eyed yet. Methinks the main reason why OfficeMax dropped the scheme was because they got tired of people calling them, pissed off looking for their long, lost rebate checks.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2006-07-11 20:19:18 | Comment on this Article

Buggy Software Costs Government $12B Annually

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[Faulty Products]
Every year the Government Accountability Office issues a report that gives a brief summary of the status of major weapons acquisition programs. And every year the reports say that many, if not most, of those acquisition programs are experiencing cost overruns and schedule delays in their software development segments.

The problem is huge. In fiscal 2006, the Defense Department will spend as much as $12 billion on reworking software - 30 percent of its estimated budget of $40 billion for research.

There you have it. Is the United States spending taxpayer money to develop the next generation stealth fighter or anti-missile technology? Nope, they're probably trying to keep their F18s' software from crashing.

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Christian Developers Embed Spyware In Their Games

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While Jesus may be all-knowing and all-seeing, some of his followers aren't, and apparently they covet some of Jesus' power.

Watchers of right-wing Christian groups in the States say a new apocalyptic videogame released by cultish Revelations-based fiction series Left Behind is riddled with spyware.

Developers have incorporated software from an Israeli firm called Double Fusion. It incorporates video advertising and product placement into the game, and reportedly records players' behaviour, location, and other data to be uploaded to Left Behind's Bible-powered marketing machine.

Makes you wonder if this is going to turn into The Last Starfighter Redux where the kids who score higest at smiting their heathen enemies are recruited into a secret army...

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Dude, You're Gettin' A Fireman

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[Faulty Products]
A person attending a conference in Japan sat just feet away from a Dell laptop computer that suddenly exploded into flames, in what could have been a deadly accident.

"The damn thing was on fire and produced several explosions for more than five minutes".

Should you witness such an event, his advice is, "Don't try anything courageous/stupid, stay away, away, away!"

Imagine this happening on a plane? Imagine them banning laptops from airplanes.

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Military Researches Bizarre Chemical Bombs

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[Faulty Products]
The US military investigated building a "gay bomb", which would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, government papers say.

Other weapons that never saw the light of day include one to make soldiers obvious by their bad breath.

The US defense department considered various non-lethal chemicals meant to disrupt enemy discipline and morale.

The 1994 plans were for a six-year project costing $7.5m, but they were never pursued.

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Teenager Repellent and Ringtones

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[Technology]
The sales pitch goes, "Mosquito is a teenager repellent - an ultrasonic device that emits a sound only audible to teenagers. It's targeted to business seeking a solution to anti social youths hanging in front of their stores fronts and driving their customers away. The box is installed in front of a store and emits an unbearable sound, only discernable to those under 20! driving them away."

To make matters even more amusing, this high-pitched alarm which cannot be heard by adults has been hijacked by schoolchildren to create ringtones so they can get away with using phones in class.

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