PATH: BS | Business | Merchandising

Using Girly Oils Really Might Turn You Into A Girl!

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[Faulty Products]
Certain oils commonly referred to as "essential oils," specifically lavendar and tea tree oils, can potentially cause enlarged breasts in young boys. The condition, known as gynecomastia to scientists and a screaming nightmare to middle-school boys, occurred in three boys age 4, 7, and 10 who had been using products containing the oils. The oils can mimic the action of the female hormone estrogen, and can also block male hormones that control masculine characteristics and inhibit the growth of breast tissue.

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FINALLY: Beer for Dogs

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[Pets]
[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
You love your dog. You feed him premium dog food. He's got a little sweater for when it's cold, and a little raincoat for when it's raining. He has snow boots, and little sunglasses so he can look cool. His doggy bed contains flea-fighting (and great-smelling!) cedar chips, and it's designed to cushion his arthritic joints. You spend more on shampoo and conditioner for him than you spend on yourself. You buy him doggy cookies for treats; maybe in summer, you buy him some of that delicious doggy ice cream.

But you lead a hollow, empty existence. And so does your dog. Because you can't--sob!--share a nice frosty mug of beer with him. Oh, the humanity!

Until now.

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How Does a Brain Damaged Child Cross The Road? Heeleys!

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
A New Jersey family is suing the maker of those annoying tennis-shoe-hidden-skate shoes after their 10 year old boy crossed the street in them, slipped and was hit by a car and now has brain damage.

No word if the brain damage was caused by the car, or inherited from his parents.

READ MORE | 5 comments since 2009-07-20 21:10:40 | Comment on this Article

What Do You Buy For The Totalitarian Regime That Has Everything?

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Evidently Iran has been getting those e-mails telling you how cheap it is to buy surplus goods from the government and they didn't get caught in their spam filters. Unfortunately the goods it's been buying are jet parts and missile components.

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"Hold Your Wee For A Wii" Kills California Woman

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A woman is now dead after participating in California radio station, KDND-FM's contest, "Hold your wee for a wii". The contestants were challenged to drink as much water as they can without going to the bathroom. A 28-year old contestant ended up dying from acute water intoxication.

READ MORE | 9 comments since 2009-11-23 05:17:45 | Comment on this Article

U.S. Launches Multi-Million Dollar Geosynchronous Paperweight

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[Faulty Products]
[Technology]
U.S. officials are unable to communicate with an expensive experimental U.S. spy satellite launched last year by the U.S. National Reconnaissance Office.

Efforts are continuing to reestablish communication with the classified satellite, which cost hundreds of millions of dollars, but "the prognosis is not great at this point," said the defense official, who asked not to be identified.

Rumor has it this colossal waste of taxpayer money might be the product of Boeing and Lockheed. But remember, if we find out which corporate contractors make crappy products, the terrorists win.

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New Swag - Funny, Political Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

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[BSAlert *exclusive*]
We interrupt this web site to bring you a shameless plug... the BSAlert online store has been updated with a bunch of new, cool bumper stickers and t-shirts... be sure to check 'em out!

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2008-03-07 01:03:13 | Comment on this Article

Maybe Saddam's Noose Should Be On EBay?

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A well-known Kuwaiti businessman is negotiating hard to own the noose which hung ousted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein to death.

Reliable sources say the businessman's representatives have asked the Iraqi Ministry of Interior Affairs to sell the rope to them.

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Let's Go Fly A Kite... OF DEATH

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[Faulty Products]
Officials in Pakistan are lifting a ban on kite flying in preparation for a spring festival that is marked by the flying of colorful kites. The ban was put in place last year not because Pakistani officials hate whimsy, but because of too many kite-related FATALITIES!

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Saddam Hussein: Created Then Destroyed By America

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Hussein's execution will be remembered as a case of America destroying an Arab leader who no longer obeyed his orders from Washington.

Saddam to the gallows. It was an easy equation. Who could be more deserving of that last walk to the scaffold -- that crack of the neck at the end of a rope -- than the Beast of Baghdad, the Hitler of the Tigris, the man who murdered untold hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis while spraying chemical weapons over his enemies? Our masters will tell us in a few hours that it is a "great day" for Iraqis and will hope that the Muslim world will forget that his death sentence was signed -- by the Iraqi "government", but on behalf of the Americans -- on the very eve of the Eid al-Adha, the Feast of the Sacrifice, the moment of greatest forgiveness in the Arab world.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-01-01 20:30:27 | Comment on this Article

Puff Daddy Caught Selling Dog Fur Coats

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[Get-Rich-Quick]
Macy's has pulled from its shelves and its Web site two styles of Sean John hooded jackets, originally advertised as featuring faux fur, after an investigation by the nation's largest animal protection organization concluded that the garments were actually made from a certain species of dog called "raccoon dog."

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-11-28 09:38:26 | Comment on this Article

The Diamond Deception: What DeBeers Doesn't Want You To Know

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?

The diamond invention—the creation of the idea that diamonds are rare and valuable, and are essential signs of esteem—is a relatively recent development in the history of the diamond trade. Read about how an effective ad campaign has made these not-so-valuable items seem more precious than they really are.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2010-07-13 12:17:26 | Comment on this Article

Buy a House, Get a Gun

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A real estate agent in the Houston, Texas area (Texas, how surprising) is offering a new incentive to those who buy a house for over $150,000--a brand-new, shiny Glock handgun to protect it with.*

As if it's not bad enough making arrangements so that the blind can enjoy a little gunplay, now guns make the perfect Lone Star state housewarming gift. Who needs a pie when you've got a gun? You can TAKE any pie you want when you're well-armed.

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Latest E. Coli Outbreak Traced to Green Onions

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[Faulty Products]
California's farming industry is girding for another potential black eye after a second outbreak this year of a potentially deadly E. coli strain linked to its crops.

Green onions served in Taco Bell restaurants are suspected as the source of dozens of illnesses in the Eastern United States and the fast-food chain has called for an industry review of the produce supply chain stretching to California.

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This Hannukah, Piss Off Your Jewish Friends

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Williams-Sonoma, those purveyors of fine food and over-priced garlic presses, have the best way for you to stick it in they eye of your Jewish friends--PORK! But you've gotta hurry--if you want to get your porcine products (proscribed by the Jewish faith) to the sons and daughters of Abraham before Hannukah, then you need to act NOW (keep reading).

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I'm Dreaming of a Porn Christmas

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Florida, the state that should probably just go ahead and drop into the Gulf already, is the site of yet another legal battle--this time over Pornaments, adult-themed Christmas ornaments. Despite having a hilarious name (and causing me to fall all over myself trying to figure out which Christmas carol to use in the title--Oh Come, Oh Come, Emanuel?), there are adults, religious groups, and lawyers (natch) gearing up to protest the allegedly offensive product.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2008-03-07 01:02:33 | Comment on this Article

Nintendo Worried About Uncoordinated Wii Users

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[Faulty Products]
With the Wii console due to be released in Europe tomorrow and already out in other major territories, Nintendo execs have acknowledged media reports of uncoordinated gamers causing damage to televisions, furniture, and even fellow players.

The next-generation, motion-sensitive controller that Nintendo's new videogame uses is apparently causing gaming nerds to flail about in their living rooms, causing damage.

Nintendo's response to the issue? It's telling gamers to "calm down."

Calm down? After you stood in line for several days in the freezing cold to pick up these units, maybe they're just flailing about to bring circulation back to their limbs?

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Calendario Romano - The Perfect Gift For Padre

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So you're a Roman Catholic and you want to give your priest a Christmas gift? Why not give him what he's always wanted: a calendar of hot young boys from the Vatican!

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2006-12-03 11:26:49 | Comment on this Article

Mall Evicts "Offensive" T-Shirt Merchant

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[Activists]
A mall in Logan, Utah gave one of its kiosks the boot Tuesday after several shoppers complained that some of the T-shirts sold there were racially offensive and in violation of the mall's lease agreement.

The mall manager wouldn’t discuss details about the agreement, he said he asked T Shirt Ranch owner Dave Bethers to stop selling shirts brandishing phrases like “Deport Pedro” and “Speak English.”

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-05-24 07:58:01 | Comment on this Article

Smash My Hot New Videogame Console I Spent Days Getting

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[Activists]
We cover this issue every year when thousands of ADHD children and 30-somethings still living with their parents queue up for hours upon end to get the latest video game machine. There's something quite poetic about being one of the first people to purchase the hot new video game everyone wants, and then symbolically destroying it in front of camped out consumers. See the video...

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