PATH: BS | Business | Merchandising | Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers

Surviving Whole Foods

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[Humor]
[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
HuffPo columnist and comedian, Kelly MacLean has written a hilarious article on Whole Foods..

Whole Foods is like Vegas. You go there to feel good but you leave broke, disoriented, and with the newfound knowledge that you have a vaginal disease.

Unlike Vegas, Whole Foods' clientele are all about mindfulness and compassion... until they get to the parking lot. Then it's war. As I pull up this morning, I see a pregnant lady on the crosswalk holding a baby and groceries. This driver swerves around her and honks. As he speeds off I catch his bumper sticker, which says 'NAMASTE'. Poor lady didn't even hear him approaching because he was driving a Prius. He crept up on her like a panther.

As the great, sliding glass doors part I am immediately smacked in the face by a wall of cool, moist air that smells of strawberries and orchids. I leave behind the concrete jungle and enter a cornucopia of organic bliss; the land of hemp milk and honey. Seriously, think about Heaven and then think about Whole Foods; they're basically the same.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2014-12-09 13:05:35 | Comment on this Article

Seven Dumb Things About The World's Smartest Toilet

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[Eureka!]
[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
What happens when Kohler makes a $6,400 toilet? Someone has to make fun of it...

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Improve your pool table for only $200 grand

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Sports]
In these times of depression, *cough*, excuse me "recession", I'm sure many of us are thinking, "I've got an extra two hundred thousand dollars to blow making my pool table look really cool. What can I do?"

We've got your answer.

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Mastercard Issues Diamond-Encrusted Credit Card

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Markets are plunging, banks are collapsing and talk of recession is all about, but the global gloom is not stopping the launch of a MasterCard credit card inlaid with a diamond and laced with gold.

Known as the “Diamond”, the card has a 0.02-carat gem ­embedded in its centre and a picture of a peacock for female cardholders and a winged horse for men.

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New Mexico Features Talking Urinal Cakes

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Psychology]
New Mexico is hoping to keep drunk drivers off the road by lecturing them at the last place they usually stop before getting behind the wheel: the urinal.

The state recently paid $21 each for about 500 talking urinal-deodorizer cakes and has put them in bathrooms in bars and restaurants across the state.

When a guy steps up, the motion-sensitive plastic device says, in a woman's voice that is flirty, then stern: "Hey, big guy. Having a few drinks? Think you had one too many? Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home."

The recorded message ends: "Remember, your future is in your hand."

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2007-07-08 10:52:54 | Comment on this Article

FINALLY: Beer for Dogs

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[Pets]
[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
You love your dog. You feed him premium dog food. He's got a little sweater for when it's cold, and a little raincoat for when it's raining. He has snow boots, and little sunglasses so he can look cool. His doggy bed contains flea-fighting (and great-smelling!) cedar chips, and it's designed to cushion his arthritic joints. You spend more on shampoo and conditioner for him than you spend on yourself. You buy him doggy cookies for treats; maybe in summer, you buy him some of that delicious doggy ice cream.

But you lead a hollow, empty existence. And so does your dog. Because you can't--sob!--share a nice frosty mug of beer with him. Oh, the humanity!

Until now.

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How Does a Brain Damaged Child Cross The Road? Heeleys!

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
A New Jersey family is suing the maker of those annoying tennis-shoe-hidden-skate shoes after their 10 year old boy crossed the street in them, slipped and was hit by a car and now has brain damage.

No word if the brain damage was caused by the car, or inherited from his parents.

READ MORE | 5 comments since 2009-07-20 21:10:40 | Comment on this Article

The Diamond Deception: What DeBeers Doesn't Want You To Know

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?

The diamond invention—the creation of the idea that diamonds are rare and valuable, and are essential signs of esteem—is a relatively recent development in the history of the diamond trade. Read about how an effective ad campaign has made these not-so-valuable items seem more precious than they really are.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2010-07-13 12:17:26 | Comment on this Article

Shoes That Grow

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Sports]
The web site says, "Built right into INCHworm shoes is the iFit technology. The iFit technology allows you to GROW the size of the shoe with a simple push of the button."

I bet Bruce Banner would dig a pair of those.

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A Blast of Flavor--The Latest In Ammunition

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Don't you just hate it when this happens?

You go out hunting on a beautiful, crisp fall day. You and your buddies bag a couple of fat ducks, or maybe a wild turkey perfect for Thanksgiving. But when you get home, you have to dig all that nasty buckshot out before you can fire up the grill. And if you miss a piece...ouch! my tooth!

Well, those days are over, friend, now that there's Season Shot...bird shot made from spices.

Yes, Season Shot, the shotgun ammo made from tightly packed seasoning bound by a fully biodegradable food product, is on its way, hunters! It's also environment-friendly; instead of lining the local marshes with thousands of tiny pellets of lead or steel, you'll be seasoning them up for the local wildlife! No longer must waterfowl and deer go without the addition of a little bit of lemon-pepper flavoring to go with that marsh grass.

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2006-11-03 14:23:42 | Comment on this Article

An Idea That's Long Overdue

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Humor]
The Samuel Baby Toupee Baldness. It's a curse that strikes fear into the hearts of men everywhere, and a few women as well. Fortunately, there are remedies--weaves, hair plugs, toupees, wigs. At least, those are available for most baldness sufferers.

But not all. One group has been woefully neglected. But that ends now that the littlest baldies have a solution.

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Virtual Notches On Your Bed Post

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Liars]
The web site says:

The mission of MyBlackBook is to provide people with a place to store their sexual history, partners, and experiences in a safe, secure and confidential place. To allow them to manage, update and lookup their entries in an easy way - giving them the opportunity and ability to assess their sexual behavior and activity and to make changes in their life.

This idea supposedly was spawned by a computer programmer in 2004 who had a need to create a database of his sex partners.

I'm sure nothing could go wrong with this idea.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-02-05 07:30:20 | Comment on this Article

For The Goth Who Has Everything: Designer Black Toilet Paper

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
If you're tired of wiping your butt on plain white or printed toilet paper, a Portugese company has come up with a tres chic all black designer toilet paper for $3+ a roll. Just what we've all been waiting for!

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2006-06-12 10:30:39 | Comment on this Article

The Latest Craze To Hit Japan: Fresh Air!

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Exhausted Japanese workers in need of a pick-me-up will soon be able to get a hit of canned oxygen at their local convenience store.

Seven-Eleven Japan will start marketing the new product, "O2 Supli," at select stores in the Tokyo area later this month and expand sales nationwide in June.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2006-05-22 10:20:31 | Comment on this Article

What Everyone Needs--An Outdoor TV

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Television]
Finally, the manufacturers of America fill the gaping hole in everyone's day when we might not be exposed to TV, by introducing a television set for the outdoors.

Yes, that's right. Now you can actually get fresh air and sunshine while sitting on your butt glued to the tube. It's not like exercise, or actually paying attention to your friends and family, but let's face it, those guys are boring, right?

Watch TV while you barbecue. Catch the big game while half-heartedly playing catch with the kids. Enjoy the sounds of nature drowned out by the sounds of lawn mowers, leaf blowers, and now, the neighbor's SunbriteTV! You can even watch it in the rain, in subfreezing conditions, or during the most intense summer heat wave.

What are you waiting for? Don't you already have a TV in every room in the house and one in your car to keep the kids quiet? Fill that empty space in your yard and your soul!

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Old Ladies Knit Sweaters for Penguins

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[Environment]
[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
I know, I know...it sounds really goofy. Little old ladies knitting sweaters for tiny penguins; this is like the crazy woman who dresses up a squirrel, right?

It sure sounds that way, but no. For once, this is actually a heart-warming (or at least penguin-warming) tale. Instead of knitting hideous sweaters for grandchildren who wouldn't be caught dead in them or afghans for unappreciative relatives, a group of volunteers from all over the globe are putting their knitting needles to work to save oil-contaminated penguins from near-certain death.

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Science Gives Us Fluorescent Pigs

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[Eureka!]
[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
Just when you thought medical science would never produce anything useful, like a cure for cancer or Viagra for women, this news comes out of Taiwan. Scientists there have succeeded in creating transgenic glow-in-the-dark pigs.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2006-01-17 19:55:29 | Comment on this Article

Introducing... The Catbib!

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Pets]
The CatBib is a unique, patented product that prevents your cat from catching and killing wildbirds... simply, safely, effectively, and inexpensively!

This is a product that should match well with animal psychocologist services. There's nothing like stripping your pet of any remaining shred of dignity.

READ MORE | 5 comments since 2007-07-11 15:34:15 | Comment on this Article

Wireless, SMS-controlled, Bluetooth.... Vibrator?

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Sex]
Connected to a mobile phone with Bluetooth it becomes an intimate, silent connection between two lovers, regardless of distance. Custom designed for your pleasure, it is intelligent, sophisticated and invented for bliss.

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2005-11-11 13:02:55 | Comment on this Article

TV Phones Now Sport Tivo-Like Video Pausing

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[Diamond Studded Toenail Clippers]
[Television]
It's bad enough that someone came up with the goofy idea to integrate a TV with a cell phone, but now LG Electronics has integrated Tivo-like features so that if you're watching tv and the phone rings, you can pause TV to talk on the phone. You obviously don't want to miss a second of that Creed music video while you're in the drive-thru at McDonald's and the phone rings!

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2005-10-11 18:27:15 | Comment on this Article

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