New Pet Service Provides Your Loved Ones Post-Rapture Vittles
Posted by Pile
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|Those that believe Jesus is coming any day have probably not taken time to consider a very important quandary: Little Fluffy won't be joining you alongside our heavenly father upon your ascension. Yes, Heaven has a "no pets" rule according to scripture.
But all is not lost! A group of atheists have graciously offered to ensure your little muffin will be well cared for when Jesus comes to take you to where you deserve to be...
The Craiglist ad read:
FLAGGERS: Over half the United States population has legitimate concerns about what will happen to their pets after the rapture occurs. Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted. Again, over half of the US population feels that this is a concern to them. If there is a specific problem with the ad, please email me. Thank you.
"No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don't know. Only the Father knows."
"For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
(1 Thessalonians 4:15–17)
Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.
I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.
For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.
If interested, please email me for my PayPal address (you can also send me a check if you prefer) so you can assure that your pets will be taken care of after Jesus comes to take your soul to heaven. $50 is only a small price to pay to know that while you are enjoying everlasting bliss, your pets will be cared for until their end days. Thanks and have a great day!
Please do not flag this ad. It is very serious.
Posted by obamanation on 2008-09-16 07:57:08
|This is just too good. I'm jealous I didn't think of it. People are really going to give him money, aren't they?
|Posted by Schneckerl on 2009-08-03 19:30:27
|The Bible provides two alternatives, the "sifting of the sheep from the goats" and the Rapture, of a last judgement. But a large majority of Christians are unwilling to understand that only one of these can happen, and the best way of communicating with these is to announce that one has "opted" for one or the other.
But the blindness has other dimensions. A posted criticism of the hermit living without money, Daniel Suelo, finds he is living without "obligations", in that case without wife or children. So you need Society's security to stay alive? It doesn't work.