Tallest Man Saves Belly-Achiest Aquatic Mammals

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[Good News]
In today's feel-good story of the day, veterinarians and dolphins alike at an aquarium in China got a helping hand from the world's tallest man, an Inner Mongolian herdsman named Bao Xishun.

Two dolphins housed at the aquarium had become ill from eating plastic off the edge of their pool, and attempts to use medical instruments to remove the plastic had failed. While American vets would have no doubt immediately performed a dangerous surgery costing tens of thousands of dollars, the Chinese used their secret weapon of tallness.

At seven feet, nine inches tall, and with arms that measure over 41 inches long, Bao was able to reach down the dolphins' throats and pull out the plastic. Ordinary humans hadn't been able to reach the plastic, while attempts to use the metal instruments hadn't worked because the dolphin's stomachs contracted violently against the hard, foreign objects. (Insert your own Dolphin Deep Throat joke here.) They didn't even need to use anaesthesia, although maybe a little Chloroseptic might have helped--they just used towels to cover the dolphins' teeth and hold their mouths open while our tall hero reached down into their stomachs. The dolphins are expected to make a full recovery.

For the ladies who may be interested, Mr. Xishun's feet are 15 inches long, and gals, he's not married--yet. But rumor is he has a girlfriend, so you'd better not hesitate to make your move pronto.





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