Short Toots

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[Essential Factoids]
  • A school in Colorado has banned flag-waving. Plus, apple pies have been ruled "Too sticky" for the cafeteria's floors.

  • In a speech given in Washington, D.C., President Bush said about democracy, "One of the great things about America, one of the beauties of our country, is that when we see a young, innocent child blown up by an IED, we cry." Apparently, in monarchies, dead children are met with laughter and merrymaking.

  • A study in Michigan found that children behave better, and sleep more soundly, after their tonsils are removed. It helps if the parents threaten to take them back to the hospital and have other parts cut out if they don't straighten up.

  • A Las Vegas ambulance company introduced a special extra-large ambulance for its jumbo-sized patrons. The company said that it had helped 75 patients weighing over 600 pounds in the last
    6 months. The new ambulance can carry up to 1600 pounds, so go ahead and make a third trip to the buffet!

  • In the "even Hitler loved dogs and children" category, it was revealed that lobbyist Jack Abramoff had once helped look for a child's missing hamster. No word on whether its tiny corpse, drained of blood and covered with mysterious glowing pentagrams, was ever found.

  • In Antarctica, the air temperature is rising three times faster than in the rest of the world. Good thing no one really likes penguins anyway.

  • Doctors in North Carolina have successfully implanted bladders grown entirely in the laboratory into several patients, who have been living with the new Frankenbladders for almost four years. The bladders are grown from the patient's own cells. Next on the menu: hearts and pancreases.


 

 

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