PATH: BS | Business | Merchandising | The Perfect Gift

What Do You Buy For The Totalitarian Regime That Has Everything?

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Evidently Iran has been getting those e-mails telling you how cheap it is to buy surplus goods from the government and they didn't get caught in their spam filters. Unfortunately the goods it's been buying are jet parts and missile components.

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"Hold Your Wee For A Wii" Kills California Woman

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A woman is now dead after participating in California radio station, KDND-FM's contest, "Hold your wee for a wii". The contestants were challenged to drink as much water as they can without going to the bathroom. A 28-year old contestant ended up dying from acute water intoxication.

READ MORE | 9 comments since 2009-11-23 05:17:45 | Comment on this Article

New Swag - Funny, Political Bumper Stickers & T-Shirts

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[BSAlert *exclusive*]
We interrupt this web site to bring you a shameless plug... the BSAlert online store has been updated with a bunch of new, cool bumper stickers and t-shirts... be sure to check 'em out!

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2008-03-07 01:03:13 | Comment on this Article

Maybe Saddam's Noose Should Be On EBay?

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A well-known Kuwaiti businessman is negotiating hard to own the noose which hung ousted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein to death.

Reliable sources say the businessman's representatives have asked the Iraqi Ministry of Interior Affairs to sell the rope to them.

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This Hannukah, Piss Off Your Jewish Friends

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Williams-Sonoma, those purveyors of fine food and over-priced garlic presses, have the best way for you to stick it in they eye of your Jewish friends--PORK! But you've gotta hurry--if you want to get your porcine products (proscribed by the Jewish faith) to the sons and daughters of Abraham before Hannukah, then you need to act NOW (keep reading).

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I'm Dreaming of a Porn Christmas

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Florida, the state that should probably just go ahead and drop into the Gulf already, is the site of yet another legal battle--this time over Pornaments, adult-themed Christmas ornaments. Despite having a hilarious name (and causing me to fall all over myself trying to figure out which Christmas carol to use in the title--Oh Come, Oh Come, Emanuel?), there are adults, religious groups, and lawyers (natch) gearing up to protest the allegedly offensive product.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2008-03-07 01:02:33 | Comment on this Article

Calendario Romano - The Perfect Gift For Padre

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So you're a Roman Catholic and you want to give your priest a Christmas gift? Why not give him what he's always wanted: a calendar of hot young boys from the Vatican!

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2006-12-03 11:26:49 | Comment on this Article

Mall Evicts "Offensive" T-Shirt Merchant

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[Activists]
A mall in Logan, Utah gave one of its kiosks the boot Tuesday after several shoppers complained that some of the T-shirts sold there were racially offensive and in violation of the mall's lease agreement.

The mall manager wouldn’t discuss details about the agreement, he said he asked T Shirt Ranch owner Dave Bethers to stop selling shirts brandishing phrases like “Deport Pedro” and “Speak English.”

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-05-24 07:58:01 | Comment on this Article

Smash My Hot New Videogame Console I Spent Days Getting

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[Activists]
We cover this issue every year when thousands of ADHD children and 30-somethings still living with their parents queue up for hours upon end to get the latest video game machine. There's something quite poetic about being one of the first people to purchase the hot new video game everyone wants, and then symbolically destroying it in front of camped out consumers. See the video...

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Child's First Tattoo Machine

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[Vanity]
The mad rush to get your children the crap they've always wanted for Christmas (this week) is on! Start them down the right path with one of these:

Open up your very own pretend play tattoo parlor. This easy-to-use tattoo maker kit includes an electronic tattoo pen and funky stencils. Using soft, safe pulsating action, the tattoo pen creates realistic, washable designs with dramatic effects. AA Batteries, Easy Bake Autoclave, and Fisher Price Gauze not included.

READ MORE | 59 comments since 2015-12-09 18:20:23 | Comment on this Article

Will It Blend? That Is The Question.

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So what do you do if you make an industrial grade blender and you want to show off what it can do? How about seeing exactly what it can blend? Marbles? A Coke Can? A Rake Handle? An entire McDonald's Meal?

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Suspiciou-licious!

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[Humor]
The Suspicious Looking Device, manufactured by Junkfunnel Labs, has one purpose and one purpose only--to look as suspicious as possible.

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Once You Go 'Plush' You Never Go Back?

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[Lonely People]
That's what it says on the web site. Wouldn't this be more realistic? "Once you go plush, talk of a social life, you hush." Plus it actually rhymes. Hey! Don't you wish YOUR woman was machine washable?

Teddy Babes™ are stuffed, plush adult toys -- the most sensual, warm, and unique love dolls ever created. Remember when you were a kid and used to cuddle up at night with your favorite teddy bear? Well, now you're all grown up, and a beautiful plush girlfriend is waiting to share your bed!

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2009-09-08 10:35:07 | Comment on this Article

Hacking Staples' Easy Button

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[Technology]
You've probably seen the commercials for Staples' office products, featuring a goofy "easy button" that their customers push which solves all their problems. Staples sells cute little versions of the button for office sheep to stick in their cubicles and amuse themselves. Some creative hackers figured out a way to repurpose the button for more evil purposes...

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Demonic Teddy Bear For Sale On eBay

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"I never used to believe in powers of darkness, but now I do. If you are willing to buy it, please let me know. I take no responsibility for what may happen afterwards and for god's sake don't keep it anywhere near children.... There are indeed things in this world that are best not meddled with or even thought about, because sometimes all they need is an opening. I'll start from the beginning, it's the only way to tell the story..."

And so begins the sordid saga of the Tennessee man who has managed to snowjob a bunch of people into paying way too much for a torn up teddy bear on eBay.

Read on if you must, but be warned, this is not for the faint of heart (or the weak of wallet)...

READ MORE | 23 comments since 2012-03-21 18:35:45 | Comment on this Article

Hollywood Is Calling!

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[Lonely People]
Your Favorite D-List Celebrity Is Just A Phone Call Away!

So your friend's birthday is coming up. What could be a greater gift than to pay to have Horshack from "Welcome Back Kotter", the lead singer from the Knack, the guy who wrote "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer", some burned out twenty-something from MTV's Real World, the Incredible Hulk's Lou Ferrigno, or Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre give your friend a personal phone call!

I always wondered what Mr. Belding from "Saved By The Bell" was up to..

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2007-04-19 22:26:40 | Comment on this Article

"Vulva": Authentically Natural Vaginal Flavour

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[Sex]
It's what we all have, no doubt, been waiting for: a cologne with the real scent of a woman. Literally.

Yes, simply shake the vial to activate the scent, and put a little on the back of your hand. Or maybe your fingers. You are a man, right? Because if you're a woman, you really don't need the artificial stuff. You've got the real thing well within reach.

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2008-09-07 20:45:08 | Comment on this Article

Jesus Comes Back As Image On Sheet Metal

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Thomas Haley was unloading supplies for his job at Hardy's Hardware when he said something odd caught his eye: the face of Jesus Christ on a piece of sheet metal.

READ MORE | 1 comment since 2006-02-27 18:32:41 | Comment on this Article

New Orleans Hurricane Katrina Commemorative T-Shirts

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[Humor]
The T-shirt shops on Bourbon Street and elsewhere are gearing up to exploit the destruction of the city. Check out some of the designs...

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2006-12-04 11:50:54 | Comment on this Article

Fun for the Other Girls

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[Sex]
So you say your little girl is a bit...different. She doesn't want a Barbie for Christmas, not even for the purpose of torturing and mutilating it like all the other little girls. She seems to have...other interests.

At last there's a doll for her!

READ MORE | 4 comments since 2005-12-24 12:03:31 | Comment on this Article

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