Wal-Mart Seeks Upscale Customers: We Can Help

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Among the more out-of-character things Wal-Mart Stores CEO H. Lee Scott has been talking up lately is the retailer's quest for more sales to more affluent shoppers.

To do it, the company's Wal-Mart chain — which has built an empire out of going for the biggest discounts for the most price-conscious shoppers —is working to overhaul its merchandise mix, stores and image in hopes of snagging a share.

We here at BSAlert feel compelled to help the retail giant out of this pickle and have compiled our own TOP EIGHT list of ideas to help Wal-Mart attract more affluent consumers...

BSAlert's TOP EIGHT LIST of ways in which Wal-Mart can attract a more affluent clientele:

1. Mens tank tops now offered in six designer colors.

2. Yosemite Sam "Back Off" mud flaps will now fit on Jaguars and Mercedes.

3. Introduce new Pamela Anderson signature line of giant bras.

4. Have Wal-Mart mascot voice be that of James Earl Jones.

5. Shopping carts now sport 22-inch rims.

6. Meat department expanded to now offer oppossum, racoon and squirrel in your choice of cuts.

7. New line of Nascar-branded 800 thread-count Egyptian combed-cotton sheet sets.

8. Introduce new Truffle-flavored Slim Jim beef snacks.

Why only eight? Because "Eight Is Enough" right?

Think you can do better? Post a comment.

Details

 

8 More Ways
Posted by wizeGurl on 2005-08-06 00:55:44
1. New valet parking means no more fighting monster trucks for the best spots.
2. Accepts only American Express Platinum cards.
3. Off-brand toilet paper now available in 24-roll, 48-roll, and 44,000-roll sizes.
4. Complementary Bar-B-Q Corn Nuts during Snack Bar "Happy Hour."
5. Personalized shopper (formerly known as "Grampa Wilson the greeter") will help you find the perfect-fitting bra.
6. Three words: IMPORTED generic beer.
7. If we fail to give you a receipt, you receive a diamond tiara.
8. Sam's Club Shampagne now available in economical two-liter jugs.
Posted by nonnie on 2005-08-11 15:19:35
9. Make a separate entrance for the grocery portion and add outdoor signage, calling it Wal-Mart Fresh Market

10. Post a wine-tasting station near the wine aisle for special tastings of, for instance, the Gallo line (white, pink & red)
 

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