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The New Jersey rapper, Sudden Death, has launched a free-to-play track which mocks the drug industry's direct-to-consumer advertising. The song, titled Pillagers, describes the experience of a man taking two dozen pills for various conditions and being prescribed the drug Liquiplox that "relaxes the lining of your throat making it easier to take pills". "Liquiplox isn't for everyone. People without health insurance or who otherwise may be unable to pay should not take Liquiplox. Do not stop taking any of your other medications without consulting your doctor as this may cause an unsafe drop in our profit margins."
Pillagers by Sudden Death
lyrics: T. Rockwell
music: T. Uliasz
vocals: T. Rockwell, L. Sienkowski, T. Crist, J. Ringold, C. Mezzolesta, M. Uliasz
I get up and take seven or eight little pills
And feel great, 'cause they handle all of life's little ills
Then a shower and a shave and I practice my karate
'n chase a caffeine pill with a double mocha latte
And I'm off, take a pill for my cough
And another pill because my eyeball is too soft
Take a pill twice a day to keep my flatulence at bay
And a pill to make the leprechauns go away
I take a pill for ED though I don't need it yet
I figure why wait, I'll take all the help I can get
And my appetite, yup, got a pill for that
But I'm still fat, dammit, I would kill for that
This pill counteracts the side-effects of that pill
And that pill I need so I can tolerate the other pill
With all these pills I can finally do my job
Just fine, I'm a pilot and my flight is at nine
Pills pills pills! I'm filled with pills!
Take another pill when I see my medical bills
Poppin' 'em like M&Ms and then get refills
Till I rattle when I walk (repeat)
We got a new pill approved by the FDA
And got it moved to the pharmacies yesterday
The ad campaign has started and we're targeting middle-aged
Males, and predicting seven trillion in sales
But that isn't nearly enough to keep the stock price
Up, so it's time to get tough
We need a product we can sell to every person on the planet
I need more cash in my underwear, dammit!
How about a pill that helps you make more money?
Or one that makes Larry The Cable Guy funny?
Or a pill that can cure road rage, also known
As Vehicular Aggression Syndrome, No no
Think bigger, think outside of the pill box, All men
could use a pill to make them understand women, Gentlemen
I think I've got it, a thought so cunning I got chills
We need a way to make it easier to take more pills!
woman: “What’s wrong, honey?”
man: “Ugh, I’m so depressed. I’m taking so many pills, and now the doctor says I have to take ANOTHER pill for my mood swings! I DON’T WANNA TAKE ANOTHER PILL!! DAMMIT, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! (cries) It’s not fair! (sob) Why do I have to have mood swings? (happy) Ooh! A penny!”
woman: “Don’t worry, honey, now there’s Liquiplox.”
man: (scared) “No! Not another pill!”
woman: “Liquiplox isn’t a pill. It’s a liquid solution which relaxes the lining of your throat making it easier to swallow pills.”
man: (gasp) “So now I can take all my pills easily?!” woman: “That’s right honey!”
man: “I’m gonna ask my doctor about Liquiplox today!”
woman: “Good for you!”
man: (angrily) “Dammit, woman, where’d you put the doctor’s phone number?”
Side effects include
Headache, runny nose, drowsiness, and a rash
A sugar high, bloating, and an absence of cash
Vomiting, abdominal cramps,' and diarrhea
And an overwhelming urge to buy a couch from Ikea
Acute kidney failure and acidic blood
A massive build up of that eyeball crud
Melted genitals, eyesight like a bug
Death, and reincarnation as a slug
“Liquiplox isn’t for everyone. People without health insurance or who otherwise may be unable to pay should not take Liquiplox. People taking Liquiplox should avoid alcohol as the combination could result in an explosion. Do not stop taking any of your other medications without consulting your doctor as this may cause an unsafe drop in our profit margins. If you experience priapism-an erection lasting longer than four hours- find a prostitute immediately. Ask your doctor if Liquiplox is right for you.
(outro) What's the time?! It's time to take pills! (repeat and fade)
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