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PATH: BS | Society | Stupid People
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Man Has His Thumbs Altered To Use iPhone
Posted by Pile
(10207 views)      [E-Mail link]
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[Eureka!]
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 Thomas Martel, 28, is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling."
"From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," explains Martel. "Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless." |
READ MORE | 2 comments since 2007-08-13 07:38:43 | Comment on this Article |
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Freedom Fence Not So Fancy
Posted by ueberbill
(10677 views) [E-Mail link]
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 James Campbell, a retired Arizona homebuilder, decided that investing for the future is important. But rather than put his money into selfish ventures that might make him or his descendants any money, he wanted to make America secure. For that noble purpose, he took out a loan and gave $100,000 of it to the Minutemen Civil Defense Corps (MCDC) to help build an "Israel-style" fence around our borders to the south (I had an Israel-style reuben the other day--MUCH more delicious than the fence). But the MCDC, which has failed to staunch the incoming tide of illegal entrants into this country, also kinda failed to keep up its end of the bargain fence-wise. The fence, which was to be made of steel tube and be otherwise Israeli fence-like (I have no idea what that's supposed to be--perhaps bearded), is in fact rather dinky and not what Campbell was promised by the founder of the MCDC, Mr. Chris Simcox. So Mr. Campbell is undertaking another patriotic act--he's suing. |
READ MORE | 1 comment since 2007-07-08 21:30:49 | Comment on this Article |
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The 2011 Miss America finalists were asked the question, "Do you think evolution should be taught in schools?" Here are there answers state-by-state.
Or at least of Americans... check out the video
Seriously. Who is in charge over there?
What happens when your April Fool's day prank is taken seriously by a New York television news agency? Well, in an effort to avoid embarrassment, WPIX CW11, owned by Tribune Entertainment, apparently filed a DMCA complaint against the group, "Improv Everywhere" and claimed copyright infringement on their reporting and re-broadcasting of Improv Everywhere's April Fool's gag, that they thought was real. Once again, a news agency does absolutely no fact-checking, and when caught with their pants down tries to pretend the debacle never happened. Luckily someone other than YouTube is hosting the embarrassing video.
Speaking to African bishops at the Vatican, the Pope described HIV/Aids in Africa as a "cruel epidemic".
Remember Ben Stein? The Clear Eyes pitchman and the goofy teacher from Ferris Buehler? No, what we really mean is the star of the ridiculous anti-evolution crockumentary, "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed". Well, some brainiac at the University of Vermont thought it would be a good idea to invite him to give a commencement speech. Apparently the students and the rest of the academic community, who didn't take too kindly to Stein's movie suggesting higher education was a fraud and evolution was tantamount to the holocaust, took offense..
For our tenth show, we eschewed a single topic and decided to launch a new series of featured segments where we talk about what's on our mind. We cover everything from the Madhoff ponzi scheme to bizzarro Bush's commencement speech, Nigerian scams, the United Auto Workers union and even field a visit from the grammar nazis!
A Wal-Mart worker died after being trampled when hundreds of shoppers smashed through the doors of a Long Island store Friday morning, police and witnesses said.
Matt Damon has a rather insightful analysis of the selection of unknown Alaskan governor Sara Palin as McCain's running mate. He compares it to a quirky Disney movie where a naive hockey-mom accidentally becomes the President of the United States.... check out the video...
There's an interesting activist clip circulating around the Internet from a Northern California woman who seems to have uncovered a vast government conspiracy. Check it out...
Hey, remember that guy, Todd Davis, CEO of Lifelock who was so confident in his company's ability to protect people from identity theft that he published his social security number? Ooops!
It seems that a man in Pennsylvania brought his computer in to Circuit City so that he could have a new DVD burner installed. It was when the techs went to test the new burner, searching for video files to make a test burn, that they discovered the child pornography videos on the hard drive....
"The ordeal began Sunday, when Dominguez and the children left church and headed to the mountains to cut a tree for Christmas. Because the father had custody of his children at the time, his ex-wife did not know they were missing until she learned Joshua failed to show up at school Monday."
Angry, bored and unable to sleep, Kyle Maskell grabbed his Marksman slingshot and headed out of his foster home to destroy something that might bring him a degree of infamy that rivaled his rage, police said.
My friend says, "We had a 'going away' party yesterday for a lady at our Little Rock claims office. One of the supervisors called a Wal-Mart and ordered the cake." 
Many homosexual people feel that in order to avoid persecution by "normal" people they have to hide what they are, that they have to "stay in the closet." How pissed would you be if one of the people that kept you there had sex with a gay prostitute? In women's underwear?
If you think television is getting dumber, that might be an understatement considering the new host of the morning show, "The View" isn't quite ready to admit the earth might not be flat.
Want to make $80,000? It's easy--all you have to do is front $45,000, say the rosary for nine days, and build an altar to a God you've never heard of. And of course, don't tell anybody what your doing. Although considering how stupid you're being, you may want to do that last one anyway.
A Georgia woman spent good money to buy what she thought was a quality product. After spending some time with said product, she found that it was a fake. Incensed, she called the police and demanded that they come over to take some action. Unfortunately the product was crack cocaine, and the action was to arrest her.
Another day, another sex scandal involving a god-fearing republican who just happened to be a key supporter of John McCain. That and the fact that this legislator had also co-sponsored bills on public sex is pretty much par for the course with these guys. State Rep. Bob Allen, a co-chair of Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s Florida campaign, is expected to address Thursday charges that he offered to perform oral sex on an undercover male police officer for $20 in a bathroom in a public park. Oh yea, this is also the guy who authored a bill criminalizing public sex acts.
Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney tells us a poignant tale from his past to show the American people how adept he is at "Emotion Free Crisis Management." What to do when you strap your dog to the roof of your car and the dog freaks out?
Florida, a state I really CAN get too much of, offers its exciting take on the relatively unexciting sport (I resisted the urge to put quotes around that, I'm saving them for a NASCAR story). A Venice, Florida man was looking for his ball in a golf course pond when he almost found his maker instead.
In one of the most frightening developments in entertainment since Jim Belushi's last feature film, it turns out Ricky Santorum (a man so reviled there was an internet-driven attempt to get his name intimately associated with 
The Army Corps of Engineers, the Keystone Cops of public civil engineering projects, continues its streak of crackerjack work. The Corps was shopping for bids for some new pumps for New Orleans' beleaguered canal system, so they needed to write up specifications for the pumps they were looking for. But that's a lot of work, what with the typing and drafts and spell-checking and all--so instead they decided to just cut and paste the text straight out of an existing catalog. You'll never guess whose catalog it was.
A Viet Nam veteran has come up with the amusing idea of presenting a purple heart to George W. Bush for his "wounds" from "verbal attacks". I wish I was making this up.
Part two of the McCain-is-an-idiot trifecta today involves the folks behind his web presence, who created a MySpace page using a template designed by another developer, and didn't give him credit and linked content off his server. So in response, he had a little fun by updating some of the images on McCain's MySpace page..
A man with five drunken-driving convictions (who STILL HAD his license--thank YOU six-strikes-and-you're-out law) was involved in a crash in Billings, Montana on March 7. When brought in by police, the man did what any sensible, sober, thoughtful person would. He blamed the crash on a unicorn.